a taste of 2Cities

Just had to share how REAL the Lord was for me today ...

This morning at 2Cities, we had just taken communion and were singing "Satisfied." Jordan Rae quietly came up to Brian and whispered that there was a homeless woman outside digging in the trashcan and could she give her the leftover communion bread.

Through the wall of windows I watched Jordan Rae, holding the bread wrapped in a white linen cloth, and as she was running toward the woman...

it hit me.

We are that woman.

hungry. thirsty. in need. desperate. digging through the trash to find something that will satisfy us. that will give us life.

Choking back tears as we sang,

Feeding on the filth around me,
Till my strength was almost gone,
Longed my soul for something better,
Only still to hunger on.

And then the Lord finds us. He runs to us with the Bread of Life. He gives us Christ and says, "Here, take this. Taste and see that I am good."

I wept as those around me sang...

Well of water, ever springing,
Bread of life so rich and free,
Untold wealth that never faileth,
My Redeemer is to me.

Wow. Thank you, Lord, for showing me the gospel today in such a real and tangible way. Thank you for finding me!

Hallelujah! He has found me
The One my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies all my longings,
Through His blood I now am saved.

finding encouragment

"In the time of my greatest failure I can run into the presence of a holy God because every failure has been covered by the blood of Christ" -Paul Tripp

"You stir man to take pleasure in praising You, because You have made us for Yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in You" -St. Augustine

Even though this month has been consumed with house renovations and our glorified "camping out" state with suitcases and big bins of kitchen supplies, we've still been able to enjoy some Christmas around town. We've had our fair share of Christmas parties and playgroups, a tour through the zoo at night to enjoy the Christmas lights, and a few visits to see Santa.

We've also enjoyed our advent devotions and making ornaments out of the pictures that tell the story for each day. We put up a Christmas tree at 2Cities, and every Sunday evening the kids bring in their advent ornaments and get to hang them on the tree. A new tradition I hope we'll continue next year! I'm thankful to have some fun Christmas traditions we can keep even if life is not normal right now.

Not being in our home yet (and being in this time of uncertainty and chaos) has been a good reminder to me that Christmas is not all about the stuff or decorations or baked goods or stockings hung by the chimney or a big tree or pretty lights. It's so easy to get caught up in all the details that we fail to remember the "reason for the season." I've been guilty of that and have seen it first hand in my attitude about our living situation and how it's affected my plans of settling in and decorating and getting ready for Christmas. Wow! What a wake-up call that's been for me!!

Yet again, the Lord has used my boys to convict me of my selfishness and desire for control. They have had the best attitude and could care less where we're staying or that we haven't "decorated" for Christmas. They don't seem to mind our little Christmas tree or that they're sleeping on a mattress on the floor or that they've been wearing the same few outfits over and over again because that's all they have packed in their little duffle bags. They don't seem to mind that we don't have an oven, and all our meals are out of the crockpot or on the griddle or from the toaster oven. It doesn't bother them that there are no doors to the bedrooms or that their youngest brother has been the master destroyer of anything that doesn't belong to us. They don't mind at all that none of our stuff has a home right now and that we have no organization or much order in this house. They don't even care that after I mop the kitchen and bathroom floors or clean the bathtub, you can't even tell. It still looks dirty. They could care less...

They're just happy. happy to be together. happy to be in a warm house. happy to have a yard to play in. happy that our King was born and that's why we celebrate Christmas.

Because of them, I am convicted of my complaining and discontent spirit on a daily basis. And because of them, I am reminded of why I need Jesus.

been praying this verse...

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope (Romans 15:13).

And singing songs like "O Come, All Ye Faithful" and "Joy to the World" really puts things in perspective and reminds me of what my life is all about.

So why am I complaining again??

Praying that my JOY in Christ would abound!!!

one strand at a time

I just have to vent for a bit...

Since moving in to our temporary home, I've been slowly pulling my hair out...one strand at a time. And it's not helping that I'm pregnant and crazy emotional. Seriously, I will cry at the drop of a hat...reading emails, watching commercials and cheesy kid movies, singing songs...I'm a basket case!! So here we are in our "half-way house" I should be thankful for, but I'm full of discontent most of the time. The boys have transitioned great and haven't seemed to mind our "camping out" state, but I'm going crazy. I'm ready to be home...or more like make our new home. Ready to unpack our boxes and bags, ready to decorate for Christmas and find a tree, ready to bake in an oven, ready to sleep in our own comfy beds, ready to have doors on our bedrooms (who would have thought??); ready to have a working heater (this one has suddenly stopped working...perfect timing as we are in the 30's at night!); and just ready for the boys to have a place where they can be boys. This place just isn't cutting it for this pregnant/highly emotional/hormonal mommy. Thankfully, we do have a yard to play in, but on those days when it's cold and rainy...well, a lot of damage can be done. So far an alarm clock has been broken; curtains have been pulled off of the windows; a fireplace mantle (that was not secure-which we were not aware of), fell off and crashed to the floor-along with the pictures on top; and I'm sure the list will continue to pile up. My boys are being boys, but the problem is, we're not home. And the funny (more like ironic) thing is that they have done more damage in this house already than they ever have in our own home! I feel like we're living in a museum where I'm constantly having to say, "don't touch" or "don't wrestle in here" or "don't rip that chair!" or "don't jump on that!" or "no, we can't paint while we're staying at this house" or "why oh why did you cover your entire body with markers...now you can't move...don't touch anything!!" We have a limited amount of toys to keep the boys entertained, so we've been watching an insane amount of pbs...and I don't feel badly about it. I'm surviving, while the boys are soaking it up! We've also been away from the house as much as possible to avoid what damage may occur while being there. We've gone to lots of play groups, the library (which is down the street! hooray!) every other day, parks, the zoo, museums, burger king...anywhere just to keep us out of trouble at the house.

The other issue that is making me go bald one strand at a time is our Martha Street house and the progress we are making...or lack there of. And I can't even write about that right now because I will start to cry. That has been the biggest source of stress for both Brian and me these past couple of weeks. Dreams of being in before Christmas are fading fast, and honestly, that just depresses me. Not really having a time line at this point just completely overwhelms me. I can handle and survive our living situation right now if there is an end in sight and an estimated date I can look forward to, but at this point, we don't even have that. I'm literally going crazy.

And what's really killing me is that I'm just feeding my discontentment by complaining about our situation all the time. For goodness sake, I should just be thankful we have a place to stay right now! My selfish feelings of just wanting to be settled have taken over, and I want instant gratification! I want control!! I want my timing!! It's all about me, me, me!! Can't you tell??

Help!!!!

The Lord is slowly helping me see my many layers of sin that have come to the surface in a whole new light over the past couple of weeks. Yikes!! Ugh!!

I need thee every hour, most gracious God...

Plan C

So we're not moving today.

Plan A was to close this past Thursday and move out the day before. Thankfully the bank didn't have everything in order by then. That was way too soon. Plan B was to close this coming Tuesday and move out today. However, an appraiser came a couple of days ago and found a few things that need to be repaired before a loan can be issued to the buyers and closing can occur. (Oh, and by the way, our house is appraised for way more money than what we are actually selling it, but I'm not frustrated about that at all). We found out yesterday that one of those things includes our driveway...our poor driveway that looks the same as it did 7 years ago when we bought this house with all its cracks and bumps. (Not to mention the whole plumbing issue where we were without use of a washing machine for 5 days, and a big green tractor was destroying our front yard all week, and that had us rip up a strip of the driveway that Brian has been in the process of repairing, but that's another stressful story I won't get into right now).

However, issuing loans has gotten way stricter, and now our driveway has to be replaced before anyone can move on.

Seriously???

It's not wheel chair accessible, but neither are our doorways, etc. (but somehow that's not an issue, just the driveway), and it wasn't wheel chair accessible 7 years ago when we moved in, but that didn't seem to be a problem then. Yeah, it would have been nice to replace it years ago for a smoother look but we don't have that kind of money just laying around. Anyway, I could go on and on about this subject but I don't really want to go back to the world of anxiety and stress. We have been praying for wisdom on the matter of what to do, seeing as we're already being very accommodating with the contract already...paying way more than what we would have liked and not getting near as much as we had hoped. However, it's just a house and it's just money. And it's the Lord's money, not ours. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:25-34 ESV)

I'm obviously not catching on and truly believing in the Lord's sovereignty because He continues to remind us over and over again that WE are not in control of our lives, as much as we try to be. And the more I try to take control, the more He gives me reason to see my need, turn to and trust in Him, and believe that He is my Faithful Provider and Protector, and He loves me more than I can imagine.

I'm so thankful He's giving me these opportunities to see His faithfulness. Boy, do I need it!

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.(Philippians 4:6-7 ESV)

AND since we're not moving today (because the closing will definitely not happen by Tuesday if the driveway has to be fixed), and I pretty much have the house packed up (except for a few things), I'm giving myself permission to relax, watch some football games with Hudson, and download some pictures of this past month on this here blog.

These are long over due...

And Your praise goes on

I've had Chris Rice's cd Past the Edges for years now and have always enjoyed it, but today I've been listening to it, and this song especially has brought so much comfort and joy in a whole new way. Go find it and listen to it!! I've listened to it 20 times in a row this morning and have bawled my eyes out every single time, especially thinking about sweet Virginia.

The moon is high and the sunset fades
The lullabies have all been sung
We're tucking in another day
and stars appear now one by one
But the stillness moves and the silence yields
And not a single beat is lost
You can hear the chorus in the fields
taking up where we left off

And Your praise goes on
rising to Your throne
where You guard us while we dream
Past the stars they fly,
Your praises fill the sky
'Til You wake us with the dawn
and Your praise goes on

Now bring your warmth, oh morning sun
Chase the stars and the moon away
and wake us with Your brightest song
and add our voice to Your refrain
Now rise up everything that lives
Flap your wings and leap for joy
Oh forest, lift your arms and sway
Clap your hands you ocean waves

And Your praise goes on
rising to Your throne
Where You bless our toil and play
Through the clouds they rise,
Your praises fill the skies
'Til the setting of the sun
and Your praise goes on

And when my final breath You lend
I'll thank you for the life You gave
But that won't mean the praises end
'Cause I won't be silenced by the grave

And Your praise goes on
I'll be running to Your throne
With every nation, tribe and tongue
To your arms I'll fly,
I'll gaze into Your eyes
Then I'll know as I am known
And Your praise goes on

on my mind

1. We are in the throes of potty training with this little guy...

I finally broke down and bought a little froggy potty for him last week. We had one before, but I had thrown it out when we put our house on the market, and Nate was not interested in using it. Plus, it is just gross, and I would rather not clean out little potties. Henry went straight to the big potty with a little potty seat, and I was hoping Nate would do the same. Alas, nothing ever happened, and just recently he would occasionally tell me that if he had a little potty, he would use it. Well, he was right. He has been doing great, and we are at about 90% accident free when we are at home!! Hooray! However, since he will only go on his little potty, when we are away from home, we stick with the pull-ups since he has no desire to use a big potty. Lately he's been dry by the time we get home and other times, not so much. Another funny thing is that he has yet to use his little potty in the bathroom! He uses it in every other room of the house except the bathroom! (We obviously need to work on that, but one thing at a time. I'm just glad he's using a potty...I don't care where it is!) It just goes from room to room to the backyard as he plays throughout the day. He's also chewed hundreds of pieces of gum in the past week! (Awhile back Nate discovered a love for gum, but I finally stopped allowing him to chew it until he was ready to use the potty. He gave up his super bubble without a problem because he wanted nothing to do with the potty. But now, he is in gum heaven! All that to say, I'm very encouraged and am hoping he will transition from little potty to big potty very soon! It's also so cute to see how proud he is of himself...and he should be! I never thought this day would come!!

2. There's nothing like finally sitting down to force your pregnant, nauseous self to eat some lunch (because you know you need to even though you're afraid of what might happen during or afterward), and your 3 year old brings you a potty full of poop and pee and sets it right down beside you as you are taking your first bite. Yum!

3. There's nothing like throwing up and dry heaving over and over again into a sink full of dirty dishes (with the boys choosing this very moment to fight around you) after trying to be a good wife and mom and have some sort of plan for dinner (pizza, leftovers, and sandwiches can only get you by for so long) by getting some soup started in the crock pot this morning. I really didn't think that through because now I'm having to smell that soup cook all day long, and I'm too lazy to take it out to the back porch and let it cook outside. There goes any hope of me being able to eat it tonight. However, that smell is really getting to me, so the soup is officially being moved.

4. thankful for a sweet time with friends (and all our kiddos) at the museum this morning...a good way to get my mind off of feeling so badly...not to mention the slices of sharp cheddar cheese and pepsi I had on the way over to try and fill my tummy up with something...and that's what sounded the best. random I know.

5. I have discovered a new love for grapefruit! I've always loved it but hadn't had it in forever. Wow! It tasted delicious this afternoon. (Thanks to Aunt LeeAnne who stocked my refrigerator full of yummy fruit!) I'm going to try it in the mornings for breakfast and see if that will keep me from throwing up! Grapefruit and pink lemonade seem to be my food and beverage of choice this pregnancy go round. You'd think after doing this 4 times, I would have discovered the trick to my nausea. Not so much. I'm always holding out hope that "this" will do the trick! I've had 0% success in this area. I started some ginger root supplements last night, and as soon as I can get to the store, I'm going to start some vitamin B6...here's hoping the combination will help at least a little!

6. my sweet cousin Laura, her husband Steve, and their 5 kiddos (with another baby boy on the way!) flew to China yesterday, where they will be living for at least the next 6 months (Lord willing even longer). Steve will be an in-house doctor caring for sick orphans at the Hope Foundation. I'm so excited to hear about their adventures over there and to see how the Lord will use them! We sure are going to miss our Waco cousins when we visit Texas next time though! I'm ready to start planning our trip to China...

7. We are mourning the loss of sweet Virginia Jacks, a high school junior at Eastwood Christian school and a member at Eastwood church (who was also in the youth group when Brian was the youth pastor). She was killed in a car accident Saturday night after the Auburn game. I cannot even imagine how her family is feeling, and students and friends at Eastwood are devastated, as are we. It's been amazing to see the legacy of her deep love for Christ that she has left and the way she impacted those around her with His love. I cannot read posts on her facebook wall that her friends are leaving without crying. But then reading youth's status updates filled with scripture is so encouraging, and I just sob. And then I hug my own boys a little tighter and a little longer and realize they are not my own. They are His. And all I can do is run to Him and His promises and pray for comfort and peace for this sweet family and rejoice that beautiful Virginia is in her Savior's arms.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).

The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).

He is Risen indeed!!

In him also you were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead. And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him (Colossians 2:11-15).

James could not have said it any better

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways....Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him" (James 1:2-8, 12).

So I won't forget the Lord's great faithfulness, provision, and sovereignty in our lives, here is a year (or more) in review...

Summer 2008 - even before Brian's job as a church planting apprentice began, he began to feel a burden for the people here in Montgomery...which very soon turned into a vision for a different kind of church in this city. I remember when he shared that vision with me...hearing and feeling his passion for our city and the people here...I immediately jumped on board! My desire was right there with him!

Fall 2008 - Brian's new job began and so began the decision for where this new church would be planted...Pratville, Wetumpka, other river region areas, etc. As the weeks went on, the committee became more convinced that Pratville would be the location. As our church's desire for Pratville increased, our desire and love for Montgomery and the people here increased. The growing city of Pratville was a great place to plant a church for many reasons. Our desire just wasn't there. And of course, a church planter needs to have the desire and love for where and whom he is planting the church! We did everything we could to make ourselves love Pratville, but that desire for Montgomery just wouldn't go away.

December 2008 - Brian resigned from his job as church planting apprentice at our home church of 9 years because he ultimately did not feel an internal call to plant a church in Pratville. A very hard decision to make, but we knew it was the right one. We knew we could not go to Pratville. We had until the end of January to find a new job. That very week the ARP (Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church-very similar to PCA only smaller) came to Brian and asked him to plant a church (with a vision very similar to his own for this city) here in Montgomery. An answer to prayer, we thought!! This is it! This is what we feel called to do!!

January 2009 - all lights seemed to be green, so we began to pursue this calling after much encouragement, prayer, and counsel from others. Mid January we found out our church was not in support of this, and so very prayerfully we turned down the offer...with a baby due in a few weeks. Yet again, another very difficult decision to make, but we knew it was what we needed to do. Two weeks before Brian's job was ending and now no job. We were devastated and hurt. And I was a bit overwhelmed seeing that our baby would soon be on his way. Our church then very graciously offered to keep Brian on staff until the end of May in order to give us sufficient time to find another job. Praise the Lord!! I could breathe again! It was also during this time and the coming months that I would question why things had to work out this way...why decisions were made the way they were...just praying that years later maybe I would see why....still believing and trusting in God's sovereignty even though I didn't understand at all.

January - May 2009 - ministry job search 24/7 all over the country. Interviews both in Texas and Florida and a couple of other options elsewhere...most of them needing to raise support. We just didn't have time to raise support by May! Meanwhile, Jake was born in February...our great joy in the midst of confusion and the unknown. The end of May came with a job offer in Florida...neither one of us felt called to go (as we felt the same for the job in Texas). Amazing how the Lord works...as you know 2 years ago, we would have jumped at the chance to go to either place! More confirmation that the desire for Montgomery was totally from the Lord!

May 2009 - took a huge leap of faith and decided to stay here in Montgomery and just see what the Lord would do. We both knew that if we left, we would always look back with regret and wonder what if we had just tried? I am sure people thought we were crazy, but we didn't really care. We cared more about this desire (to see the gospel of grace transform our city) that the Lord had placed upon our hearts. With a part time job at Grace in hand, we turned down the call in St. Petersburg at the end of May, took our house off the market, and Brian started looking for jobs here. If it were not for the pastor at Grace and his offer to hire Brian part-time (with benefits), we never would have stayed. Somehow, that 10 hour a week job was a glimmer of hope for us! We were so excited about trusting the Lord and were confident that He would provide for us if He wanted us here.

June 2009 - our friend Greg was asked by the ARP to plant a church in Pratville!! Another reason why Brian ultimately didn't go to Pratville...he had this friend Greg who really felt called to plant a church there...he loved the city and the people there...of course he should be the one to plant in Pratville! Not Brian. So yet again, seeing the Lord's sovereignty in all things...us saying no to the ARP opened up an opportunity for them to plant in Pratville with Greg as the church planter. So amazing!!

July 2009 - Brian had started a sales job in June (which we knew would take awhile to see the fruit of his labor), but with working solely on commission and still not seeing any money, we knew we needed something else. Meanwhile, the Lord provided in so many ways and through so many family and friends. Our faith was surely strengthened!! At the same time, Brian was getting no where on the job front. He was desperate to find any job...even Chick fil-a would have been great! But nothing turned up. However, in a matter of days 2 different churches here in Montgomery called him up and offered him 2 different part-time jobs...preacher/teacher/counselor at Friendship Mission and youth pastor interim at Young Meadows PCA. (If Brian had not been desperate for a job, he probably never would have taken the youth job...he had gotten his fill after 8 years and was ready to move on). The Lord, in His sovereignty, didn't let that happen.

August 2009 - one of the elders (and father to some youth) at Young Meadows struck up a conversation with Brian one night asking about his vision for church planting here in the city, so Brian was able to share with him. Their conversations would continue on into the next month.

September 2009 - the session at Young Meadows asked Brian to come to their meeting and share his vision for church planting here in Montgomery. The very next day they called him and said that is exactly what they wanted to be a part of and asked him to be the church planter of a new work downtown!!! PRAISE THE LORD!! PRAISE THE LORD!! Yet again, seeing the Lord's sovereignty...if Brian had not been forced to take this youth job (out of necessity to pay our bills), he probably never would have met that elder and church planting never would have come up (at least not on the same time line it is now).

October - December 2009 - pinching ourselves daily...did this really happen? Are we really planting a church downtown? Brian now has an outward call to match his internal call!! Daily living in awe of what the Lord had done...seeing his provision and faithfulness in a way we had never experienced before...strengthening our faith in Him in a whole new way!! (That had actually been happening all along the way of this "testing our faith" year!) Wow!! The amazing ways our Lord provides for His children!! Also, more provision from the Lord with new job transitions...the job at Friendship was ending (no more funding for this position) and the youth pastor job would end as well in December when the newly hired youth pastor would come on board at Young Meadows. So now what to do? An elder at Grace runs two local magazines here in the city and hired Brian to sell ads for the magazines part-time. Thankfully it was a job not all based on commission, which is helping us live each month. Another answer to prayer and another great way for Brian to meet and form relationships here in the city! So now his 3 jobs are college/outreach at Grace, ad salesman for Montgomery Parents and Journey magazines, and church planter!!! (Someday Brian will only have one job, and we are greatly looking forward to that day! However, we are grateful for His provision! )

December 2009 - Brian received the official call as assistant pastor at Young Meadows PCA to plant City Church.

January 2010 - Let the church planting begin!!!! GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS!!!! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23).

O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago (Isaiah 25:1).

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth (Psalm 71:5).

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps (Proverbs 16:9).

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them (Isaiah 42:16).

what a day!

Saturday morning ALL my boys let me sleep in and then brought me breakfast in bed along with a card they had made. So sweet!(Hudson wrote it and Henry drew the balloons)

(Henry's pic on top, and Hud's pic on bottom)

(Nate's fish drawing, and Henry wrote Nate's name)

The rest of the morning was relaxing (well, as relaxing as it can be with a house full of boys!). Brian took the big boys to Walmart to go grocery shopping (hooray that I didn't have to go!), and then later that afternoon, I got to go to the Y by myself, while the boys stayed home with Brian and made birthday cupcakes for me! Yum...strawberry cupcakes with cream cheese frosting!!
That evening after we got the boys down for bed, Brian and I enjoyed a delicious dinner by ourselves that he cooked just for me!! And I'm not going to mention just how much butter was in the entire meal...it doesn't count since it was my birthday. :) So delicious and such a treat to have my sweet husband cook dinner for me!! He made us herbed shrimp and pasta and dilled garlic bread...I was so very impressed!

The rest of the night went to sunday school preparing (for Brian) and cleaning up the rest of the house and getting ready for the lunch we were having with the college students the next day after church. All in all, it was a very sweet day with the family and just the way I would have wanted to celebrate my birthday!

However, in the midst of our enjoyable day, some very harsh reality involving our tight financial situation came to a head, and I just melted into a puddle of anxiety, stress, and fear. Not to mention selfishly feeling sorry for myself because we had to take back some shoes (to Walmart for goodness sake!... that were supposed to be my birthday present from Brian and the boys) because we realized that it wasn't the best time to be buying presents. All that to say, I completely stopped trusting in the Lord and His provision and wanted to take control, even though I knew I had no control of the situation. I began to fear our future with church planting, how we are going to pay our bills this month, trying to raise support in Brian's "spare time," the "success" of the new church...will it really work? what are we doing? how do we do it?, etc.

You would think I would have learned by now. Just looking back at all the ways the Lord has provided for us and has been so faithful, especially in the last six months, why in the world should I fear? Unfortunately, I still do, and especially on that day. After fretting and crying and worrying, I then FINALLY realized I needed some time in the Word. Yet again, what was I thinking? Why is it that I go to the Word AFTER I give into my sin of anxiousness, worrying, not trusting the Lord, etc. I would save myself (and others) a lot of trouble if I would just go to the Lord FIRST instead of as my last resort. When will I learn?? And of course, when I finally do sit down to read, I just soak it up...it's where I find comfort, rest, conviction, encouragement, wisdom, and the Truth that I long for and need! That day was no different, and the words that I read were exactly what I needed to hear! Completely put things in perspective.

I'm so thankful He has us in the situation we are in; He has us there for a reason...so we are completely dependent on Him. If things were great, and we had all the money we needed, life would get too comfortable, and I think we would forget our need for Him. AND we wouldn't get to see the amazing ways He has provided for us and know without a doubt that it was completely His doing! For example, the way He used friends and aquaintances, who gave us money and gift cards around Christmas time for really no reason at all, so as a result, we could buy Christmas presents for the boys and gas money for our trip to Texas. Or how He has used family to help with Hudson's schooling. Or how on my birthday (when I was feeling sorry for myself about the shoes) I got a card in the mail from my sweet in-laws with an outback/carrabba's gift card inside (which I can't wait to use!). And the list just goes on and on of the Lord's provision. And I haven't even begun to share details of the Lord's provision and faithfulness with how church planting came to be here in the city...that will have to be a post of its own! All that to say, I am so, so grateful!! I have much to be thankful for. "My cup runneth over; I have more than my heart can wish."

and here is what I read...

"I will be their God" Jeremiah 31:33

Christian! here is all thou canst require. To make thee happy thou wantest something that shall satisfy thee; and is not this enough? If thou canst pour this promise into thy cup, wilt thou not say, with David, 'My cup runneth over; I have more than heart can wish'? When this is fulfilled, 'I am thy God', art thou not possessor of all things? Desire is insatiable as death, but He who filleth all in all can fill it. The capacity of our wishes who can measure? but the immeasurable wealth of God can more than overflow it. I ask thee if thou art not complete when God is thine? Dost thou want anything but God? Is not His all-sufficiency enough to satisfy thee if all else should fail? But thou wantest more than quiet satisfaction; thou desirest rapturous delight. Come, soul, here is music fit for heaven in this thy portion, for God is the Maker of Heaven. Not all the music blown from sweet instruments, or drawn from living strings, can yield such melody as this sweet promise, 'I will be their God'. Here is a deep sea of bliss, a shoreless ocean of delight; come, bathe thy spirit in it; swim an age, and thou shalt find no shore; dive throughout eternity, and thou shalt find no bottom. 'I will be their God.' If this does not make thine eyes sparkle, and thy heart beat high with bliss, then assuredly thy soul is not in a healthy state. But thou wantest more than present delights - thou cravest something concerning which thou mayest exercise hope; and what more canst thou hope for than the fulfilment of this great promise, 'I will be their God'? This is the masterpiece of all the promises; its enjoyment makes a heaven below, and will make a heaven above. Dwell in the light of thy Lord, and let thy soul be always ravished with His love. Get out the marrow and fatness which this portion yields thee. Live up to thy privileges, and rejoice with unspeakable joy.

Morning & Evening Daily Readings
January 9 Morning
C.H. Spurgeon

quote of the day

A prayerless soul is a Christless soul. Prayer is the lisping of the believing infant, the shout of the fighting believer, the requiem of the dying saint falling asleep in Jesus. It is the breath, the watchword, the comfort, the strength, the honor of a Christian.

-C.H. Spurgeon

Nate's thoughts on heaven

So it seems we tend to talk about heaven a lot.

Tonight as I was rocking Nate before bed, we were singing some of our usual songs...O Worship the King, On Jordan's Stormy Banks, Jesus Loves Me, Do not be anxious (Phil. 4:6-7), Call to Me, (the last 2 are some of Nate's favorites from our Seeds Family Worship cd), etc. After we finished, we were rocking a little bit longer before I put him in his crib. I love these moments with Nate. I love that he still wants me to rock him. He would probably let me do it for hours before getting in his crib, although sometimes he'll say, "get in my bed" to let me know he's ready to go to sleep.

On this night, however, he was in no hurry to leave this snuggly place...on my lap in the glider with his sippy cup full of milk and his little "ama." I was in no hurry either. He begins our conversation by saying to me, "I want to see God!" I agreed and then went about explaining to him that we can't see God, but He can see us. We can't see God because He's a spirit and doesn't have a body like us. We can't see God, but we know that He is everywhere! (That children's catechism really comes in handy when answering some of the kiddos' questions!). Anyway, I also told Nate that we would get to see God in heaven. He got so excited about the thought and immediately broke into a huge grin and hugged me really tight. "Do you want to go to heaven?" I asked. "Yes!" Nate confidently answered. He then went on to ask if I wanted to go and if Daddy, Hudson, Henry, and Jake wanted to go, too. I told him that we all would be there since we love and trust in Jesus. Nate told me he loved Jesus, too.

He then said, "I want Jesus to rock me!" I almost cried right there. It was the sweetest thing!

So I kissed him and hugged him tight, whispered "I love you" in his ear and tucked him in under the Bambi quilt I had when I was a baby, amongst his stuffed bears, frogs, and pillows, where he was very content...happily thinking about Jesus rocking him in heaven.

the provision continues...

• Brian was given some money for teaching at Common Ground's VBS last week
• family gave us money again this month!
  
• Abby and Jake called us and said they wanted to babysit our kiddos...for FREE... last Thursday night so Brian and I could go on a (much needed) date. The boys were in heaven. As we were leaving and waving good-bye, they could have cared less about us and were way too busy "attacking" Jake...
• Someone anonymously left us a sweet note (saying they have been where we are) and a hundred dollar bill in Brian's box at Grace. Amazing!!!!!
  
• The Moore's had us over for dinner on Saturday night. We had a great time visiting with them, and of course the boys had fun with Lani and Ella. We enjoy them and are so thankful for their friendship. To top it all off, they sent us home with 3 whole boxes of pizza (which fed a houseful of people the next day for lunch when Scott, Trisha, and fam were here just through lunchtime), a really nice 35 mm camera with an amazing lens, and a Bumbo seat to borrow for Jake.

• A sweet friend (who has 3 boys) gave us huge bags of hand-me-down clothes for our boys, including some nice polo "church" shirts, a bunch of shoes (which Hudson can wear to school), and so much more. Exactly what we needed! The boys were so cute this morning trying on their new wardrobe, which covered my entire family room floor. It's all pretty much Hudson's size (or bigger), but that didn't stop even Nate from trying it all on!What generous and thoughtful friends we have! And what a faithful God we serve!

The Lord continues to provide for our family!!!

Three weeks ago

Three weeks ago I was a bit stressed. and worried. and stressed. and fearful.

I was not trusting in the Lord's faithfulness. I was not trusting in who He says He is. I was not trusting in His promises to those who love Him. I was not trusting in His provision.

I was trusting in myself and in Brian. and it wasn't working. Although he had been working like crazy...filling out application after application, interviewing, networking, calling, searching the internet...all to find another job to keep us going for the next few months...nothing was working. Trust me, he was not being picky...sweeping floors at Big Lots, carrying boxes at Target, waiting tables, banking, mixing paint at Home Depot...no one would hire. We joked that he couldn't even get a job at Chick fil-a. and it was true. Seriously. He tried.

Although he had been doing the sales job and had been getting some contracts, things were not moving as quickly as we needed them to move in order for us to pay our bills. We still were not seeing any money. Working at Grace has been great, but it hasn't been anywhere near enough either. So for the past month and a half, Brian has been doing everything in his power to find another job.

Three weeks ago I was stressed about how we were going to pay our bills. Three weeks ago our savings was dwindling down to nothing from using it to live on last month, and after a major unexpected trip to the vet for Lady with lots of x-rays, medicine, and overnight stays this past spring, and after both of our cars needing major repairs within the last two months. Brian had to encourage me over and over that the Lord would provide. He was confident in that. And he was excited to see how the Lord was going to do it!

Well, guess what? The Lord is faithful and He does provide!! Let me share with you just how the Lord has provided for us over the past three weeks...

• Some of our family generously gave us some money
• Some of our family generously bought us groceries
• Sweet friends gave us money and a Walmart gift card
• While Brian's family was here last weekend, Brian and I went to a couples wedding shower. They sent us home with a huge baked ziti casserole, a whole cheesecake, and a gallon of sweet tea!
• A friend of mine is letting Hudson borrow their son's Eastwood school uniform outfits (pretty expensive otherwise)
• Brian got two preaching jobs this month at a different church
  
• A lady from Grace church called the other day because she had heard we were in need of bunk beds. Her daughter had some that she wanted to give away. That's right...they GAVE us bunk beds! Brian picked them up on Saturday. Amazing!!
• Brian has two new jobs! He did not seek after these jobs at all...the Lord did it! They are both part-time. He is now teaching/preaching/counseling during the week (everyday for 4 hours) at Friendship Church (a mission church of the PCA here in Montgomery for the homeless). His second job is a temporary fill-in youth pastor at Young Meadows PCA here in Montgomery. They are currently looking for a full-time guy but aren't expecting anything to happen until December. Can you believe it? We're going back to youth ministry (...to the land of lock-ins, fall retreats, and messy, silly games)!!! Both of the pastors at each of these churches immediately thought of Brian and called him when they realized they would be needing help in these areas!
  

So now Brian has 3 part-time ministry jobs at three different churches here in Montgomery! And can you believe all 3 churches are okay with that!!???? Do you think the Lord might be broadening our spheres of influence and building more relationships here, as well as giving Brian more experience with many different kinds of people??? Plus, he's getting to share the gospel on a daily basis at Friendship. He's already had some pretty amazing conversations with the people there. (Might all of this be good for church planting here in this city one day?????)

The Lord answered our prayers for provision in so many ways and through so many people!! Thank you for being a part of how the Lord has provided for us!

Not only is Brian starting up a college ministry at AUM through Grace Church, he is the (temporary) youth pastor at Young Meadows, and a preacher/teacher/counselor at Friendship Church. He is also helping lead worship and teaching Sunday School at Grace on Sunday mornings, as well as some preaching. (He's already preached twice at Grace within the last month and will preach there again at the end of the month!) He has started up a summer bible study at AUM, and they are already meeting on Monday nights. And now back to youth group on Wednesday nights. He prayed that the Lord would give him work, and He certainly has answered that prayer!! Although he is working 3 different jobs (and the hours definitely to show for it!), it is still not what we were getting before, but we KNOW the Lord has more blessings in store for us!!! He already has blessed us...so much more than we could have imagined!

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of those. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble (Matthew 6).

Thank you for continuing to pray for us!

Resting in his faithfulness...

Streams in the Desert

My sweet friend Delta told me about this daily devotional from back to the bible and I just had to share. It really has encouraged me in this time of uncertainty...

"He hath acquainted himself with my beaten path. When he hath searched me out, I shall come out shining" (Job 23:10, free translation).

Faith grows amid storms"--just four words, but oh, how full of import to the soul who has been in the storms!

Faith is that God-given faculty which, when exercised, brings the unseen into plain view, and by which the impossible things are made possible. It deals with supernaturals.

But it "grows amid storms"; that is, where there are disturbances in the spiritual atmosphere. Storms are caused by the conflicts of elements; and the storms of the spiritual world are conflicts with hostile elements.

In such an atmosphere faith finds its most productive soil; in such an element it comes more quickly to full fruition.

The staunchest tree is not found in the shelter of the forest, but out in the open where the winds from every quarter beat upon it, and bend and twist it until it becomes a giant in stature this is the tree which the mechanic wants his tools made of, and the wagon-maker seeks.

So in the spiritual world, when you see a giant, remember the road you must travel to come up to his side is not along the sunny lane where wild flowers ever bloom; but a steep, rocky, narrow pathway where the blasts of hell will almost blow you off your feet; where the sharp rocks cut the flesh, where the projecting thorns scratch the brow, and the venomous beasts hiss on every side.

It is a pathway of sorrow and joy, of suffering and healing balm, of tears and smiles, of trials and victories, of conflicts and triumphs, of hardships and perils and buffetings, of persecutions and misunderstandings, of troubles and distress; through all of which we are made more than conquerors through Him who loves us.

"Amid storms." Right in the midst where it is fiercest. You may shrink back from the ordeal of a fierce storm of trial?but go in! God is there to meet you in the center of all your trials, and to whisper His secrets which will make you come forth with a shining face and an indomitable faith that all the demons of hell shall never afterwards cause to waver. --E. A. Kilbourne

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That He would give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the Chosen One

Bring many sons to glory.

Behold the man upon the cross

My guilt upon His shoulders

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished.

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and RESURRECTION.

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom.

Stuart Townend

a sweet prayer of thanksgiving

Tonight after church Brian did a quick little Bible time with Hudson and Henry before bed, since it was already so late. Afterwards Hudson volunteered to pray. It was absolutely the sweetest thing, and I wish I could say it back word for word. He mostly prayed and thanked God for his family, immediate family, food that we eat, our clothes, God's creation (especially talking about the planet we live on), etc. He then moved on to talk about how we disobey because we are sinners and that God took away our sin by sending Jesus...he talked some about heaven and how there's no crying in heaven. My favorite part of his prayer was when he made a simple but powerful statement about who our amazing God is...he said "even when things are bad, YOU are GOOD!"

I was amazed at that simple truth Hudson knew and understood about our God and that he was able to thank and praise Him for His goodness that never changes and is forever...a truth I need to be reminded of daily...and the Lord was able to use my 4 year old to bring it to my attention today!! It just warmed my heart to hear him sincerely thanking the Lord for people and things in his life, as well as understanding his sinfulness and seeing his need for Jesus AND seeing God's goodness in the midst of "bad things."

Thank you, Lord, for showing me your goodness tonight! Thank you for my sweet boys who are learning more about you and loving you more everyday. Please continue to remind us of our constant need for you!!

quote of the day

“If we serve God because we believe he will love us less if we do not, punish us more if we do less, or bless us more if we do more, then we are not worshipping God with our actions; we are only pursuing our self-interests. In this case the goal of our lives is personal promotion or personal protection rather than the glory of God, and even our seemingly moral activities are a transgression of the first commandment. Grace does not change the rules Scripture truly requires; rather, it makes adherence to them true obedience…Guilt drives the unrepentant to the cross, but grace must lead believers from there or we cannot serve God.”

- Bryan Chapell, Christ-Centered Preaching (p. 208)

prideful hospitality...

is from what i suffer. does anyone else ever struggle with what their true motive is behind their hospitality? yes, my desire is definitely fellowship with others, getting to know other people, catching up with friends, serving, sharing the gospel through opening up our home, etc. however, there is also a motive of my prideful heart...whether it be to show off my home, good cooking skills, cute kids, etc. or the latter, which is most of the time for me...fear of what other people might think of me when my house is not clean enough, big enough, beautifully decorated, or my cooking is just sub par, or when my kids are misbehaving. more often than not, these thoughts seem to fill my head when preparing for someone coming over. fortunatley once people are here, i tend to forget my worries and truly enjoy the fellowship, unless the boys really are going nuts. however, i still desire the compliments..."i just love your house," or "the food was delicious," or "your kids are just the cutest and best behaved kids ever!"

last night after i wrote that post about our crazy weekend, i got in bed and read june 3rd's evening devotion from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening daily readings. i was convicted again of my pride!! coincidence? i think not! read for yourself...

"He humbled himself" (Philippians 2:8)
Jesus is the great teacher of lowliness of heart. We need daily to learn of Him. See the Master taking a towel and washing His disciples' feet! Follower of Christ, wilt thou humble thyself? See Him as the Servant of servants, and surely thou canst not be proud! Is not this sentence the compendium of His biography, 'He humbled Himself'? Was He not on earth always stripping off first one robe of honour and then another, till, naked, He was fastened to the cross, and there did He not empty out His inmost self, pouring out His lifeblood, giving up for all of us, till they laid Him penniless in a borrowed grave? How low was our dear Redeemer brought! How then can we be proud? Stand at the foot of the cross, and count the purple drops by which you have been cleansed; see the thorn-crown; mark His scourged shoulders, still gushing with encrimsoned rills; see hands and feet given up to the rough iron, and His whole self to mockery and scorn; see the bitterness, and the pangs, and the throes of inward grief, showing themselves in His outward frame; hear the thrilling shriek, 'My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?'. And if you do not lie prostrate on the ground before that cross, you have never seen it: if you are not humbled in the presence of Jesus, you do not know Him. You were so lost that nothing could save you but the sacrifice of God's only begotten. Think of that, and as Jesus stooped for you, bow yourself in lowliness at His feet. A sense of Christ's amazing love to us has a greater tendency to humble us than even a consciousness of our own guilt. May the Lord bring us in contemplation to Calvary, then our position will no longer be that of the pompous man of pride, but we shall take the humble place of one who loves much because much has been forgiven him. Pride cannot live beneath the cross. Let us sit there and learn our lesson, and then rise and carry it into practice.